The Village

This weeks post is brought to you by the letters "L" and the number 0. Representing, respectively, the nature of my work (Lousy, lame, loathsome, loquacious Ok, that's not really an appropriate adjective, but I was running out of Ls and felt like 4 words was better than three ) and the amount of time I have available to write this (0 hrs). So then, I will today leave you with a slightly edited version of something I lifted off the net years ago. It's posted all over the place, but my version is better! :) Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change -$20.00, Coffee -$1.00, Total - $21.00. Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, ...

and I haven't even started playing my favorite track from Jason and the Argonauts yet...

Father's Day is a time for most to celebrate their fathers.  Or, if you happen to be a father, a time to sit back and soak up the free socks, ties, and strange gadgets that you might only use in the event of a nucular holocaust (for example; clean underpants). Of course, it's also a time when the man of the house gets to choose the restaurant - entailing careful selection of the closest all-you-can-eat buffet serving alcohol during lunch hours (AKA, "The Jimmy Buffet").  After consuming four times the gross national product of the entire Caribbean, Fathers everywhere can sink back into their couch, mutter "Pull mah finger", and watch meaningless analysis of meaningless Baseball games on Sports Center.  (Seriously, just watch the umpires - even they don't care yet.) I recently had the opportunity to celebrate Father's Day with the "In-Laws".  Even though that sounds like it would be great fodder for developing homicidal tendencies a few...

In the mid 1800’s, Charles Darwin invented natural selection. This was a process that allowed natural stuff to kill off those less adaptable to their environment. By less adaptable, of course, we mean dumb. Later in the next century, and to compensate for the impending doom of the human species, Al Gore invented technology.  Technology’s purpose was initially to make it easier to order a pizza, but quickly became the most popular means available that allowed humans (that were slowly evolving into monkeys) to survive in today’s society. Consider a recent evolution of technology: the self check-out line. Understand that there was nothing wrong with the original checkout process, in which a pretty blond-headed girl named Cynthia swiped my items past a scanner, and then told me how much money to give her. A nice young man then places these items in a bag, gives me a dirty look because I don't want him to carry them out, and then allows me to go on my way. There are some, however,...

But somehow the stick police can always tell... :( (Click to enlarge. Shared via Creative Commons License [ BY-NC-SA-3.0 ])

And somewhere out there is a person wishing they hadn't posted that drunken, half-naked picture as their profile pic.  Could we chalk this up as a good way for using Facebook to boost your self esteem?  Or maybe the self esteem of others?  Hey, whatever works for you.  Get the full story on YouTube.  And kids, don't try this at home. image via YouTube screen cap, fair use protected

It seems you can no longer leave a pet store without passing by a delightful array of gourmet treats.  I would like to meet the person that decided this was necessary.  Survey your average dog as an example.  You will find that they eat: Why someone decided your pooch needed "delectable" gourmet treats is beyond me.  With that in mind, allow me to share two reasons gourmet dog treats are not a good idea. 1. They can be very confusing. It looks like a chocolate chip cookie. It smells like a chocolate chip cookie... But it does not taste like a chocolate chip cookie. I speak from personal experience. Eating a gourmet dog cookie tastes exactly like it sounds. (And if you thought it "sounds like" eating dog food infused with the sent of home-baked goodies, you are right.) 2. Any time I want to eat a real chocolate chip cookie, cdog now goes into a state of near frenzied panic. This state continues until shifting to a look of perturbed incredulity as ...

Note, if you've been seeing articles in your RSS reader that look like they belong to someone you have followed, but it turns out these articles are from a different site: Be aware there is a google and/or feedburner issue that is affecting many feeds. This will hopefully be resolved in the near future.

(Click for full resolution [ CC-BY-NC-SA-3.0 ])

Sometimes I think there are little gnomes running around in my template. Let me start by saying I like blogger. But I'm not too fond of magically appearing buttons, I must say. Is it odd that I am most annoyed by the fact that it clashes with my color scheme? (Update):  Ok, this is part of Google's new "+1" feature.  It was added automatically because it is now part of the "share" widget".  We are looking into whether we can change the colors or remove just that without taking away all the rest of the "shares"... Alternatively, maybe I should get counseling about my color OCD... :) (Update 2)  How to remove google plus one (+1) button Note, I accept no responsibility if you try this and somehow manage to boggle up your template! I haven't had luck changing or masking the color scheme, but if you're looking to send it to the curb, here's a few options: click "expand widgets" and look for:  <b:if cond=...